Advice From God: Cover Your Hair?

Ok so it's confession time! I am obsessed with finding my most perfect of perfect hairstyles. And since I live in NYC I don't really see why 12 years later I am still amiss. Collectively I have spent 1,000's of dollars at the salon and yet, I still don't have the hair of my dreams. Why is that?

I have already accepted that I am far from perfect when it comes to communicating -- in fact, I am a nightmare and this is why I prefer to write and dance. I don't have to open my mouth for a minute. Yay! However, one must, must, must talk to a hairdresser - and one must also bring in pictures -- which if I were more paranoid I would think that editors purposefully leave out pics of my best hair ideas -- but I'm not paranoid, right? Right. So lets just say I find the best pics I can and then of course I think that if I just fill in a little itsy bitsy bit with some good descriptive words, then the stylist who is getting paid whole bunches of my dollars will use their eyes, taste, education and skills to fill in the proverbial blanks. Fair enough, right?

Recently I have accepted that long flowing locks are not in my future. I've gone short -- super duper short. All attempts to grow my hair have resulted in a mess -- and well I just can't get through the in-between-stage. So, after my last little salon disaster, I cut it off -- not with the intention of growing it, but with the intention of keeping it short.

However, there are a trio of details that I'd like to clarify: Mainly: 1.) I'd like a more interesting fringe (bang); 2.) I'd like my neck (that is, the space between the bottom occipital lobe of my head and my shoulders) cleared of all traces of hair; and 3.) I want a great NEW color - either blond or a sort of Rita Hayworth red.

So I saved up all last month, let my hair grow a bit and decided to make an appointment for a little cut and color. I gave the above instructions to one of the best salons in town, and what happened next is what has been making me seriously think that I need to go to beauty school in order to be able to do my own darn hair. Here is the jist:

1.) First, my idea of a curved, sculptural bang got the reply of: "impossible", explained further that "because you have straight hair, it will just stick out unless you want to curl it, and it would force you to have to keep it in the same style everyday." I replied that I didn't mind all that and that I really didn't want a straight away fringe, nor did I want a sort of wispy side sweep either. Of course the stylist would not budge. I got a straight bang. QUESTION: How it is possible for every Vidal Sassoon model in the world to have a sculptural style with straight hair? Is it that these gals curl it that way everyday? Is this a problem? I don't see it as a problem at all. I mean its just a tiny little fringe area -- and I have a small face anyhoo so its like a 5 minute amount of time to spend to get the look I want. Why is this such a problem? Women used to spend hours a day contriving their styles.

2.) My idea of a "clean neck" was met with: "I can't cut above your hairline. It will only grow back and look horrible." I inquired further, stating clearly that I would upkeep it myself between cuts, and she emphatically said straight away: "No." I still can't figure out why it is a sin to cut above the hairline PARTICULARLY WHEN MINE GROWS WAY TOO FAR DOWN MY NECK --thereby destroying the visual line of my very long neck -- my one asset! Help a sister out, would ya?! Further, all hair grows back, not just the hair in the hairline! DUH! Sp how is this an excuse not to cut it?

3. My idea of a sort of bolder Rita Hayworth style red landed me with a color akin to Ronald McDonald -- which then had to be covered in a darker brown so now I have "near black - red hair" YUCK! When asked what I thought and I inquired as nicely as humanly possible as to why it was so "red-red, versus the sort of orange - red that was so famous during this era", her reply "you said red, not copper". Well excuse the fudge out of me! How was I supposed to know to say copper? I mean really! When we see a per se "copper haired" gal, don't we describe her as a red head? I thought we did. It's a sort of generic term and considering that I gave the very distinct description of a Rita Hayworth style, then well, was any gal of that era a True Clown Red? UH, that would be a NO! NO ONE WANTS A TRUE RED -- and those that do, do it themselves with a bottle of Manic Panic from Ricky's. (FYI: The reason it's called Manic Panic is because for most people it would create a Manic Panic, and 9/10 times this is used by those sort of East Village Goths / Characters who are trying to create such!)

I have to back this up by saying that the conversation wasn't so simple -- I showed as many pics as I could -- and talked extensively about the look I was going for -- a sort of updated 30-40's glam -- this because my image has become rather important now with my blog (people being confused and all that my hair is not red, as above!) and also with a debut coming of a little cabaret company in May. None of the pics or conversation could have at all led to what I got by mistake. The truth is, they didn't even try to give me what I wanted because they didn't even lighten my natural color which is dark brown, a very necessary step to getting a great "red" (copper) (I find this out later after a consultation at another salon!). Certainly what I came out with originally (before the last ditch effort of adding brown) looked ridiculous, vaudeville, burlesque, rock and roll reject. After the brown it went up to "Vamp" -- but certainly it by no means meets the B.A.N.G.in Beauties Criteria I've blogged about before! So there is another few hundreds down the tubes (or sink, as it were!). I have a feeling that if my secret little sister Tavi ever decides to come around, she will do my hair color just fine! (you should see her lavender locks right now!) I can pay her in cupcakes!

I am beginning to think that perhaps this sort of vague idea that there may be some sort of spiritual merit to the covering of one's head, well, this may be a golden truth indeed!

Blessed Be!

The Madame.