The post I originally wrote for this week will preview next week instead, mainly because it just didn't seem to "fit" what was really on my mind! Go figure.
Here in Gotham we NYers grow accustomed to hot shot attitudes accompanied by busy, un-intended knockdowns and basic rudeness at a level most would find appalling. We are used to foregoing the "Excuse Me's" & "I'm Sorrys" and all the little niceties the rest of the Humane World enjoys, if for no other reason than that we ourselves want to be excused from the same nonsense. In a nutshell: we are busy and NY is packed so its impossible to say it enough. Nevertheless, I do still try to say it as often as I can. I even try to actually look where I am going and wait my turn even without sucking my teeth or making other rude sounds of displeasure. Being of Roman Catholic blood I consider this a sort of daily penance, if you will.
However what I CAN NOT TOLERATE, and what has seemingly made its place onto the world stage, is being a Prick! Ya know that person who is just waiting to find the non-sense in what is otherwise considered a socially accepted manner of being, speaking or commenting? You know when you say something "just for conversational flow" and they obtusely point out how ridiculous it was? The person who is just looking for a way to point out your obvious flaw or mistake or your obvious desire to make conversation? This, all just to make themselves seem superior, smarter, better? Like they are incensed by having to deal with such drudgery of humanity? THAT'S A PRICK and while we can all "be one at moments" that doesn't mean we all "are one at heart" -- you see the difference? Let me tell ya -- it's certainly not Pretty. And surely not Happy!
So my advice for World Happiness on this Fine Monday? STOP BEING A PRICK! Let's get this week started with a proper, more mannerly demeanor, shall we?
That's All!
B.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
SUNDAY COMICS: Brave New (Western) World? HA!
Madame B. finds it hysterical that the Government of China has defended themselves of their Human Rights Crimes by saying that Human Rights are a "Western Concept" and that they should not have to accept them because of course, they are clearly "Eastern".
REALLY? Do these people even glance at Historical Records?
Western Ideology was also once a believer in VERY limited personal freedoms. The Western World has, in the past, trampled over millions -- for Sport! Remember the Starve-Out of millions in 1933 under Stalin? How about The Holocaust? What about the policies of "The West" that made thousands hop on boats and cross The Pond to this completely wild patch of land that I now proudly call home? And Slavery? And The Serfs? That's just touching the surface on the once brutal Western Ideology.
The Chinese can make no claims that "Human Rights" are simply a 'Western Ideology' being forced upon them, but of course they can make a claim that it is an EVOLVED HUMAN IDEOLOGY. The same Evolved Human Ideal rooted right there in the 5000 year history of Buddhism -- which, Oops! China has been trying to suppress among its people since it's First Emperor!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
WELL SAID!
"ELEGANCE: Rarely found today.
Women are not brought up to know about it
and therefore lack even the desire to acquire it."
--Marlene Dietrich
Friday, December 10, 2010
GOOD HAIR! The Blonde Experiment!
Ok, so Friday is here and even though I am technically a week over schedule, I promised I'd give an entire post devoted to my GOOD HAIR! God knows this is like a Miracle on 34th Street if ever there were a Miracle on 34th Street, you know what I mean?
Back Story: I've been searching for Good Hair ever since I moved to NYC -- that is, for 1?! years now. I've come really close to having it -- I've even had it for a few days, and certainly there are nights where I look Glam! But I HAVE NEVER HAD GOOD HAIR FOR EVEN TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT. Meaning, sure there are great stylists here who can make me look great, but since I'm still a dancer, I don't have the time to Wash, Blow Dry, Straight Iron, Tweek and Spray the way they do at the Salon -- I sweat all day, so duh -- that Blow & Spray turns south fast!
Now I've bi***ed alot about this here in this Blog. I even gone so far as to give a tutorial for aspiring stylists on It Girl Hair. I included pictures and everything -- but still no results for myself. At first, I was concerned with the right HAIR CUT -- but now that I've decided to grow my hair like all good little Ballerinas, I've now turned my fetish over to Color. Why not just go natural? Well, because with all my Silvers coming in, natural turns to Goth really quickly -- and who wants to spend real money on a natural color? That's obscene. So I have tried Red -- which promptly threw me into distress bc after one mess up and then a color correct, I realized well I actually wanted a Red-Brown. Now I've been going for Blonde. And believe it or not IVE ACCOMPLISHED IT! YAY! And I'm so happy I'm going to give you a Step By Step guide yourself.
First Step: Bleach. THIS is NOT FUN -- especially if there is any red in your hair. It burns like the dickens -- your scalp peels off after and you look like a corpse. Nevertheless if you really want to be a Blonde, ya gotta do it.
Second Step: WAIT. That's right -- you need to wait if you want any sort of pretty Blonde. This because once your hair has been STRIPPED OF ALL ITS COLOR, it needs to heal before it will accept another color. So yes, you must walk around and look like a corpse for 2-4 weeks... sure you can get it toned but it will still look bad and the toner will wash out in 2 weeks anyhoo because your very open follicles will not hold a color. a toner is actually a DEMI-PERMANENT -- meaning Temporary -- so unless you look fine as a Platinum, Baby Blond -- and so few REALLY do, WAIT. Put on a hat -- and explain religiously when others want to compliment you that you actually haven't had it colored yet --that you've only had it bleached! (PS those compliments? fake, out of shock. It is truly not pretty -- so dont event think of leaving it that way. Only one person -- my friend over at BOOKISH, told me the truth, even though I knew it all along! I love Bookish! ) (PS NO! BROWN or BLACK HAIR-COLOR WONT "COVER" BLEACHED BLOND -- it will just turn it some sort of shade of Green, Purple, Blue, Gray -- this bc of a long complicated chemistry equation -- but trust me!)
Third Step: FIND A COLORIST who 'gets it'. Meaning: Someone who will let you explain Ad Nauseum all your little hang ups with color -- your dreams -- your ideas -- your fantasies; Someone you can show a bazillion and one competing photographs to as they patiently listen or fall asleep; Someone who, after you change your mind a hundred times, will steer you back to your original purpose --who will remember why you did this little Blonde Experiment -- and the pain of it all i.e. the Bleaching and Flaking Scalp -- the weeks looking like a Corpse, so you could be a Blonde: not a Chicken Out Brown with Blonde or a Red -- a real, live BLONDE.
Don't know anyone who'll do that for you? NO? Well then, follow my lead:
1.) BOOK ERIN
AT PARLOR SALON RIGHT NOW! 212-673-5520
Erin is amazing. She also happens to be my Roommate and well, those two things combined mean I may just upgrade her room! First, Erin is a Painter -- a Real Painter! So you see, she gets Color. This makes us debate bc I'll see something as Blonde and she'll say, "No! It's technically a Peach, Pink Golden Brown -- but ANYWAY, my hair looks great! It's a pretty, natural, Golden Blonde with Dark Blonde Low Lights and it looks really nice with my skin! See photo for the closest Illustration I could find:
Does my Hair really look like that? YEP -- except it's short and pixie like and I'm not a Model. (see why I need a Camera for Christmas?!)
So at any rate, I am so thrilled to have GOOD HAIR! I think I may even keep the Color before I go and try something else! I have a sneaking suspicion that Erin may just have the perfect Reddish Golden Brown up her sleeve....hmmm........she's brilliant -- oh and she uses Aveda Color, which while I deplore their extraneous packaging I do know they are "healthier" somehow.
Anyhoo, IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF GOOD HAIR and haven't found the Stylist you Adore, Print out the Coupon Below and take it to Erin! She'll Fix You Right Up -- and will give you the full Madame B Treatment!
Back Story: I've been searching for Good Hair ever since I moved to NYC -- that is, for 1?! years now. I've come really close to having it -- I've even had it for a few days, and certainly there are nights where I look Glam! But I HAVE NEVER HAD GOOD HAIR FOR EVEN TWO WEEKS STRAIGHT. Meaning, sure there are great stylists here who can make me look great, but since I'm still a dancer, I don't have the time to Wash, Blow Dry, Straight Iron, Tweek and Spray the way they do at the Salon -- I sweat all day, so duh -- that Blow & Spray turns south fast!
Now I've bi***ed alot about this here in this Blog. I even gone so far as to give a tutorial for aspiring stylists on It Girl Hair. I included pictures and everything -- but still no results for myself. At first, I was concerned with the right HAIR CUT -- but now that I've decided to grow my hair like all good little Ballerinas, I've now turned my fetish over to Color. Why not just go natural? Well, because with all my Silvers coming in, natural turns to Goth really quickly -- and who wants to spend real money on a natural color? That's obscene. So I have tried Red -- which promptly threw me into distress bc after one mess up and then a color correct, I realized well I actually wanted a Red-Brown. Now I've been going for Blonde. And believe it or not IVE ACCOMPLISHED IT! YAY! And I'm so happy I'm going to give you a Step By Step guide yourself.
First Step: Bleach. THIS is NOT FUN -- especially if there is any red in your hair. It burns like the dickens -- your scalp peels off after and you look like a corpse. Nevertheless if you really want to be a Blonde, ya gotta do it.
Second Step: WAIT. That's right -- you need to wait if you want any sort of pretty Blonde. This because once your hair has been STRIPPED OF ALL ITS COLOR, it needs to heal before it will accept another color. So yes, you must walk around and look like a corpse for 2-4 weeks... sure you can get it toned but it will still look bad and the toner will wash out in 2 weeks anyhoo because your very open follicles will not hold a color. a toner is actually a DEMI-PERMANENT -- meaning Temporary -- so unless you look fine as a Platinum, Baby Blond -- and so few REALLY do, WAIT. Put on a hat -- and explain religiously when others want to compliment you that you actually haven't had it colored yet --that you've only had it bleached! (PS those compliments? fake, out of shock. It is truly not pretty -- so dont event think of leaving it that way. Only one person -- my friend over at BOOKISH, told me the truth, even though I knew it all along! I love Bookish! ) (PS NO! BROWN or BLACK HAIR-COLOR WONT "COVER" BLEACHED BLOND -- it will just turn it some sort of shade of Green, Purple, Blue, Gray -- this bc of a long complicated chemistry equation -- but trust me!)
Third Step: FIND A COLORIST who 'gets it'. Meaning: Someone who will let you explain Ad Nauseum all your little hang ups with color -- your dreams -- your ideas -- your fantasies; Someone you can show a bazillion and one competing photographs to as they patiently listen or fall asleep; Someone who, after you change your mind a hundred times, will steer you back to your original purpose --who will remember why you did this little Blonde Experiment -- and the pain of it all i.e. the Bleaching and Flaking Scalp -- the weeks looking like a Corpse, so you could be a Blonde: not a Chicken Out Brown with Blonde or a Red -- a real, live BLONDE.
Don't know anyone who'll do that for you? NO? Well then, follow my lead:
1.) BOOK ERIN
 |
| She Won't Bite Too Hard! |
AT PARLOR SALON RIGHT NOW! 212-673-5520
 |
| 102 Avenue B, East Village, New York City 212-673-5520 |
Erin is amazing. She also happens to be my Roommate and well, those two things combined mean I may just upgrade her room! First, Erin is a Painter -- a Real Painter! So you see, she gets Color. This makes us debate bc I'll see something as Blonde and she'll say, "No! It's technically a Peach, Pink Golden Brown -- but ANYWAY, my hair looks great! It's a pretty, natural, Golden Blonde with Dark Blonde Low Lights and it looks really nice with my skin! See photo for the closest Illustration I could find:
 | |||
So at any rate, I am so thrilled to have GOOD HAIR! I think I may even keep the Color before I go and try something else! I have a sneaking suspicion that Erin may just have the perfect Reddish Golden Brown up her sleeve....hmmm........she's brilliant -- oh and she uses Aveda Color, which while I deplore their extraneous packaging I do know they are "healthier" somehow.
Anyhoo, IF YOU ARE IN NEED OF GOOD HAIR and haven't found the Stylist you Adore, Print out the Coupon Below and take it to Erin! She'll Fix You Right Up -- and will give you the full Madame B Treatment!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
THINGS TO BUY ME: A CHRISTMAS CAMERA!
I need a Camera. In fact, have you ever heard of a blogger without a camera? Well I have a camera but its not going to work with my lack of technology here. I am, you see, a rather old-fashioned blogger -- I use a Dell and I dont have an iPhone. I love my T-Mobile service, thank you very much!
But at any rate, being able to snap photos and actually give Illustrations for what I am saying would be a lovely little idea, wouldn't it? And you all would benefit as much as I would, correct? So see, it's Philanthropic.
So if any of my favorite readers are aching for ideas on Things To Buy Me, this will make it easy!
But at any rate, being able to snap photos and actually give Illustrations for what I am saying would be a lovely little idea, wouldn't it? And you all would benefit as much as I would, correct? So see, it's Philanthropic.
So if any of my favorite readers are aching for ideas on Things To Buy Me, this will make it easy!
POLAROID
i1437: 14.0 MP Digital Camera
USD $99.99
 |
| I WANT THIS! Yay! |
I just love this little Polaroid! I LOVE IT IN GREY! I know it's not fancy, but trust me -- I don't want some ultra fancy thing I can't easily figure out. Already I'm trying to figure out Ballet, 'Nough Said. And I love that it's compatible with PC's; there are a few of us left who haven't joined The Cult! And at one penny under $100, you can get yourself one too and we'll be a Twin Photo Lab! Yay!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
SUNDAY COMICS: One Smart Birdie.
Courtesy of www.ebaumsworld.com
I don't want to be "turkist", but after enjoying the most delicious
Turkey Breasts for my Thanksgiving Dinner, Birdie might be onto us!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
RANTS, RAVES & ADVICE TO OBEY: Aveda had better listen up!
So I really am trying to stay on my new Column Schedule (see my Columns Page to see the menu!) -- and well, since I already helped the Tourists for Thanksgiving I figured I'd use this Saturday to Rant & Rave a bit. I know you love it.
1. Got GOOD HAIR COLOR today... I'm finally a great, warm, sparkling blond - yay! It's most likely not my "final color" but I gotta tell ya, I FINALLY found a gal who gets it! Already I got more than 3 compliments -- so that counts! Check out this coming week's Friday is Fashion Week Column for all the gory details!
2. Bought the most amazing lip gloss called Ginger Lily from Aveda. It's the perfect blend of Berry and Peach -- just glorious with my new hair and its has the most amazing hint of mint, which if you put it on and then drink hot cocoa you get the most delicious mint flavor (for free!) and a pretty lip print on the side of the cup! Further the gloss part isn't sticky -- its, well.... glossy. Meaning if someone steals a kiss, yes they will get a bit of minty color with it, but they will not stick!
3. Went to see Harry Potter -- Part 1/2 of the 7th and final book. I haven't read it but I just love going to see these movies. It's like a trip to Disney minus the hassle. I love being a kid again -- and parts were genuinely frightening!; and last but not least,
4. I HAD THE MOST DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING DINNER THANKS TO MY FRIEND OVER AT BOOKISH! Check out her fabulous blog on the books that should be on your list, as well as her hilarious Park Avenue Divorce Tales each Thursday!
See up there in #2 where I go on and on over my new lip gloss from Aveda? Did you notice how I didn't mention the history of Aveda being all "plant based, planet-conscious"? I'm sure most of you are familiar with Aveda and know they are "green" but probably what you are not so familiar with is my disdain for the whole "save the planet, buy green, eco-brand" movement. Don't take that the wrong way -- I of course WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET, duh. Nonetheless, I have found that after fighting tooth and nail to convince my "pro-recycling, eco-conscious" roomies that cloth towels are really just as good as paper -- and after having bored more than a few innocents with my lectures on how recycling only encourages the use of things we truly don't need (like plastic and paper towels, paper napkins and the like ) and after having gone on and on about the fact that recycling sounds clever but uses even more resources unnecessarily -- and after Oprah herself * unanimously agreed that the best way for a company to be "green" is to stop unnecessary packaging, I am NOW convinced that most people aren't IN FACT really green and most companies are IN FACT Poseurs!
LET ME TELL YOU HOW I ALMOST DIDN'T BUY MY LIP GLOSS FROM AVEDA because the packaging looked like a miniature egg carton, complete with an additional lightweight cardboard wrapper and a little sticker tying it all so cleverly together in the same color as the gloss. WHAT THE ???!!!! Can you believe that Aveda, home of all things tree-hugging, would waste so much MONEY, RESOURCES & MATERIALS to package a mere lip gloss tube? I didn't even believe the lip gloss was in there until they opened it up for me. Seriously! This is the sort of thing that makes me more than annoyed. Of course the packaging is some neat-o-post-consumer waste award winning design -- but really? Do we need to use waste to make waste? And considering that this was a $20.00 lip gloss, how much of the cost is tied up in all this packaging? Could I have really gotten this tube for $10? or better, $7?
NEED MORE EVIDENCE? SEE IMAGE BELOW:
Picture Courtesy of GOOGLE IMAGES: (MY QUESTION: How The Fudge.IS THIS GREEN?)
My final verdict is that all this green movement crap is just that: crap. No one really wants to be green -- no company is "environmentally friendly" because THERE IS NOTHING FRIENDLY AT ALL TO MOTHER EARTH by using more paper (the carton) more plastic (the sticker) more ink( the printing) more electricity (production) , more water (production) and more oil (production) to create MORE TRASH -- which can then be recycled at the cost of using even more water, electricity, manpower -- oh and then there's using more dreaded OIL! Sure, compared to other companies using materials not recyclable it's better or whatever-- but I'm not cutting them any slack because in terms of actually solving the problem by eliminating waste? They. Are Not. Doing. A. Darn. Thing. BUT, THEY. COULD. BE. DOING. A. LOT!
So, did I buy the lip gloss? Yes. But only because I loved the color, feel, smell and well I have dark lips and it's hard to find a pretty color for me that's not Goth. But I am literally going to cut this tube open to use every last drop and I won't be buying it again if Aveda doesn't ditch their packaging.
AVEDA:
Take all that money you spend on packaging and design a better way to transport your goods without it being damaged instead. Then sell it as is, just the tube -- NOTHING ELSE! With the additional profit margin you can plant some trees and start a recycling program similar to MAC's where customers can save and bring back the cosmetic containers & get a free product after 6 or so! Or, if ya just can't bear to do away with all the pretty packages, change your advertising so that it is HONEST.
READERS:
CALL Aveda at 1.800.644.4831 & Complain -- in my name! If we, as Consumers who buy such products, don't keep these companies honest and if we don't do our due diligence, we will allow these mega-corporations (yes AVEDA is a CORPORATION) to literally drive us into the ground...and fast, because once our atmosphere is destroyed, we'll all burn up QUICK, while these Corporate Gurus are safe and sound in their underground shelters that they've built with Heat Proof Materials!
That's All.
B.
*Oprah herself is used, in this instance, only figuratively speaking. Much the same as when we quote God. This is not any sort of direct quote (thus, no "quotes").
First, the RAVES:
1. Got GOOD HAIR COLOR today... I'm finally a great, warm, sparkling blond - yay! It's most likely not my "final color" but I gotta tell ya, I FINALLY found a gal who gets it! Already I got more than 3 compliments -- so that counts! Check out this coming week's Friday is Fashion Week Column for all the gory details!
2. Bought the most amazing lip gloss called Ginger Lily from Aveda. It's the perfect blend of Berry and Peach -- just glorious with my new hair and its has the most amazing hint of mint, which if you put it on and then drink hot cocoa you get the most delicious mint flavor (for free!) and a pretty lip print on the side of the cup! Further the gloss part isn't sticky -- its, well.... glossy. Meaning if someone steals a kiss, yes they will get a bit of minty color with it, but they will not stick!
3. Went to see Harry Potter -- Part 1/2 of the 7th and final book. I haven't read it but I just love going to see these movies. It's like a trip to Disney minus the hassle. I love being a kid again -- and parts were genuinely frightening!; and last but not least,
4. I HAD THE MOST DELICIOUS THANKSGIVING DINNER THANKS TO MY FRIEND OVER AT BOOKISH! Check out her fabulous blog on the books that should be on your list, as well as her hilarious Park Avenue Divorce Tales each Thursday!
OK enough good stuff.... now for my RANT:
See up there in #2 where I go on and on over my new lip gloss from Aveda? Did you notice how I didn't mention the history of Aveda being all "plant based, planet-conscious"? I'm sure most of you are familiar with Aveda and know they are "green" but probably what you are not so familiar with is my disdain for the whole "save the planet, buy green, eco-brand" movement. Don't take that the wrong way -- I of course WANT TO SAVE THE PLANET, duh. Nonetheless, I have found that after fighting tooth and nail to convince my "pro-recycling, eco-conscious" roomies that cloth towels are really just as good as paper -- and after having bored more than a few innocents with my lectures on how recycling only encourages the use of things we truly don't need (like plastic and paper towels, paper napkins and the like ) and after having gone on and on about the fact that recycling sounds clever but uses even more resources unnecessarily -- and after Oprah herself * unanimously agreed that the best way for a company to be "green" is to stop unnecessary packaging, I am NOW convinced that most people aren't IN FACT really green and most companies are IN FACT Poseurs!
LET ME TELL YOU HOW I ALMOST DIDN'T BUY MY LIP GLOSS FROM AVEDA because the packaging looked like a miniature egg carton, complete with an additional lightweight cardboard wrapper and a little sticker tying it all so cleverly together in the same color as the gloss. WHAT THE ???!!!! Can you believe that Aveda, home of all things tree-hugging, would waste so much MONEY, RESOURCES & MATERIALS to package a mere lip gloss tube? I didn't even believe the lip gloss was in there until they opened it up for me. Seriously! This is the sort of thing that makes me more than annoyed. Of course the packaging is some neat-o-post-consumer waste award winning design -- but really? Do we need to use waste to make waste? And considering that this was a $20.00 lip gloss, how much of the cost is tied up in all this packaging? Could I have really gotten this tube for $10? or better, $7?
NEED MORE EVIDENCE? SEE IMAGE BELOW:
My final verdict is that all this green movement crap is just that: crap. No one really wants to be green -- no company is "environmentally friendly" because THERE IS NOTHING FRIENDLY AT ALL TO MOTHER EARTH by using more paper (the carton) more plastic (the sticker) more ink( the printing) more electricity (production) , more water (production) and more oil (production) to create MORE TRASH -- which can then be recycled at the cost of using even more water, electricity, manpower -- oh and then there's using more dreaded OIL! Sure, compared to other companies using materials not recyclable it's better or whatever-- but I'm not cutting them any slack because in terms of actually solving the problem by eliminating waste? They. Are Not. Doing. A. Darn. Thing. BUT, THEY. COULD. BE. DOING. A. LOT!
So, did I buy the lip gloss? Yes. But only because I loved the color, feel, smell and well I have dark lips and it's hard to find a pretty color for me that's not Goth. But I am literally going to cut this tube open to use every last drop and I won't be buying it again if Aveda doesn't ditch their packaging.
ADVICE TO OBEY:
AVEDA:
Take all that money you spend on packaging and design a better way to transport your goods without it being damaged instead. Then sell it as is, just the tube -- NOTHING ELSE! With the additional profit margin you can plant some trees and start a recycling program similar to MAC's where customers can save and bring back the cosmetic containers & get a free product after 6 or so! Or, if ya just can't bear to do away with all the pretty packages, change your advertising so that it is HONEST.
READERS:
CALL Aveda at 1.800.644.4831 & Complain -- in my name! If we, as Consumers who buy such products, don't keep these companies honest and if we don't do our due diligence, we will allow these mega-corporations (yes AVEDA is a CORPORATION) to literally drive us into the ground...and fast, because once our atmosphere is destroyed, we'll all burn up QUICK, while these Corporate Gurus are safe and sound in their underground shelters that they've built with Heat Proof Materials!
That's All.
B.
*Oprah herself is used, in this instance, only figuratively speaking. Much the same as when we quote God. This is not any sort of direct quote (thus, no "quotes").
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